The Lobster Magnet
by TriangleItUp
Summary: Yay! Its finished! chaos, Wilhelm, and KOS-MOS are all in search for the same thing. Each chapter is told from their POVs respectivly. R
1. chaos's POV

**The Lobster Magnet**

**(Best cornflakes this side of Second Miltia!)**

**Author's note: **From the person who brought you "Malicious Traitor chaos," now as a part of TriangleItUp studios, Anna Skywalker. Check back for future chapters from Tricky and Mugi, the other members of TriangleItUp.

* * *

chaos froze, his hand outstretched, inches from the rectangular box of crispy golden-flaky joy. Near his hand, a much paler hand with neatly-filed fingernails hovered, ready to grab the very same box of cereal

chaos stared at Wilhelm, frowning at the elegant, calm smile on the other's face.

It seemed he and his former partner had chosen the same hour of the same day to visit the same store at the same location on Second Miltia, to obtain the same cereal of which there was only one box left.

Irony, it would be the death of him yet.

Well, Wilhelm wasn't the supreme lord of groceries, after all. chaos should just take the stupid cornflakes.

chaos' hand reached again for the flakes, but at the same moment, Wilhelm's hand gracefully inched toward the box as well. A quiet, amused smile touched Wilhelm's lips.

Chaos forced a smile upon his own face, concealing his irritation. He considered for a brief moment letting Wilhelm have the boxed joy, but Captain Matthews' reaction the last time he'd failed to retrieve them was not something he wished to repeat.

"Paychecks... at times... they bind us," he thought resignedly.

Chaos' hand flicked towards the box again, only to be matched by Wilhelm.

They continued in this manner silently for nearly an hour, neither willing to give into the temptation of impoliteness.

Finally, chaos sighed. "Take it."

Wilhelm's smile had long since become rather forced. "No, no. I insist."

Chaos put up his hands in protest. "No, really, it's fine."

They kept up their polite refusals for twenty minutes, chaos eventually ending up with the box in his hands.

"_Thank goodness," _he thought.

"Target item identified," declared a familiar voice. Chaos looked up to find himself face-to-face with the battle android, KOS-MOS.

"Oh, hello KOS—" chaos' greeting died on his lips as the crimson-eyed robot took the much sought-after cereal box in her iron grip.

"Thank you." She turned on her heel and walked in the direction of the check-out, pausing only to remove, strangely enough, a lobster from her long, shiny blue hair.

Chaos gaped at her, blinking several times in disbelief. So close, and yet, so far...

Wilhelm chuckled lightly and strolled away, empty shopping basket in hand, obviously deciding the spectacle was worth a box of cornflakes.

Chaos sighed heavily and headed out of the store. Hopefully, Captain Matthews' tirade wouldn't be as bad as usual.

Not thirty seconds after chaos had left, a stockboy placed twenty-five more boxes of Lobster Magnet's famous cornflakes on the empty shelf.

* * *

Yes, the store "Lobster Magnet" is named after the awesome flash video of the same name. No, it has nothing to do with cornflakes. Please review! If you ask nicely, I'll show you a picture of Wilhelm carrying a shopping basket that I photoshopped : 


	2. Wilhelm's POV

**Hey, this is Trick's turn! I don't own the lovely Xenosaga. This is by Wilhelm-sama's point of view. Please enjoy ! Please keep in mind that though this is the same idea, they all have different endings…for the most part…well…what happens is different..well…oh children, you will see. TriangleItUp Forever! **

**The Lobster Magnet**

**(Best Cornflakes this side of Second Miltia)**

Wilhelm sighed lightly as he reached his destination, The Lobster Magnet. Since the Dammerung was in need of a few supplies and repairs after a gnosis attack the best place to restock was Second Miltia, home of Vector HQ. He was pleased.

Leaving matters in his secretaries hands Vector's C.E.O. was left to his own devices. There had been something particularly interesting in one of the spam letters he had opened up in his e-mail: The Lobster Magnet. According to this letter, the afore mentioned place was actually a grocery store and was rumored to have the "BESST KORNFLAYKS EVVER". The e-mail had sparked the incredibly intelligent man's curiosity.

Cornflakes were by far one of the few reasons he got up in the morning. Had it not been for the invention of these unique golden nuggets, Wilhelm would have to resort to some other less stylish cereal, like Cheerios, and he couldn't have that. He might even have to go so far as to not have breakfast at all.

Well, you may be wondering why a man leading the largest corporation in the universe would be eating a bowl of cereal for breakfast in the first place. The answer is simple: He _likes_ it. And if you even so much as glanced upon his agenda you may even spot the number one thing on his To-Do List: "Purifying the world". This can be interpreted into many different ways, but each will leave anyone completely breathless upon carrying them out. Surely now, you can understand why a man of his stature needed a well balanced breakfast, which, of course, included the afore mentioned cornflakes.

Anyway, here he was, standing in front of the large grocery store and seeing no one inside. He also took note that there were no cars in the parking lot. There didn't seem to be any sign of life anywhere.

He took another step and the automatic doors slid open, beckoning him in to where his golden flakes of joy were hidden.

Once inside Wilhelm helped himself to a small carrying basket in case he found something else that met his needs. He slipped the handles over his arms gracefully. After obtaining his the blue plastic chariot for his cornflakes his claret eyes traced the signs above the isles. _Dog food…laundry detergent…_

"Blub Blub..."

He stopped suddenly and turned to his right. There, seemingly on display as their pride and joy was a tank of lobsters. Wilhelm watched a moment as the lobsters floated about the tank lazily, landing on top of one another and-

"Can I help you, sir?" Wilhelm was caught off guard as he turned to see directly in front of him a woman of about five feet with greasy brunette hair, yellow teeth, and heavy lavender eye shadow. He suddenly realized he had not changed out of his suit that he cared to wear seemingly everyday of his long life. He had been so malnutritioned this morning, and things had failed to go according to plan, that he was left confused and careless, unable to even make the simple decision to change into more appropriate attire for such an occasion. The absence of cornflakes was truly a terrible thing.

Wilhelm expertly stepped back from the woman before his nostrils caught a whiff of her heavy perfume and replied politely, "Yes ma'm, I am looking for the cereal isle."

She took a step closer, "A man like _you_ is lookin' all the way over here for some cereal." She put her hands on her hips, "You wouldn't believe the people that have been walkin' in here lookin' for-"

_There._

"Ma'm, I apologize, but I really must be going now. If you'll excuse me..." He smiled softly down at her and she could only stare back into his claret eyes that were framed by his elegant pure white bangs. Every city had their "shady" part of down, and Second Miltia was no different. The store clerk was shocked to see not only such a _rich_ man in her store but also a _polite_ one.

When she didn't say anything Vector's C.E.O. thanked her and went on his way to the cereal isle.

The store really wasn't all that bad. Aside from the empty check out lines and lack of staff, there seemed to be a grand selection of products. Wilhelm turned into the isle, and slowed down until he wasn't moving at all.

_Empty._

He didn't understand. He had come all this way, only to find the shelves bare, not a single morsel left for his hungry soul His face remained calm and angelic even but inside a demon was raging within him ready to tackle the person responsible for this great tragedy and tear them limb from limb.

Then something caught his eye. In a small barely noticeable sigh his fiery anger and inner turbulence was silenced with a wave of relief. A single box had been left alone, abandoned by all others, sitting on the left side of the isle on the second shelf from the top in shadow, weeping softly for someone to love him.

Wilhelm knew that someone was him. He walked over to the box confidently, a smile forming from his smooth lips. Upon arrival he took a moment to examine it with his all knowing eyes, as if he were teasing the box that was so close to salvation, a home. After reading through some of the nutrient facts he moved to read the other side of the box. This side was filled with fun facts about how these little flakes can help you live longer. Though this wasn't something Wilhelm really needed he took delight in the other fun facts such as "Helps prevent cancer!", "Decreases chance of things not going your way!", and the ever satisfying "Best edible bug repellant!" He proceeded to trace the box with his eyes over its many colors and delicate textures.

The time was now.

Wilhelm's pale hand reached for the box containing the fuel for his soul…and froze. There, in equal distance from the box was a gloved hand reaching to take hold of the same breakfast feast. His head moving only slightly, Wilhelm's eyes followed the hand to the arm to the shoulder and finally to the face.

_Yeshua._

Several emotions stirred within Wilhelm, but expertly masking them all, he placed an amused smile on his face.

chaos stared back at him, emerald eyes meeting a cross between amber and ruby ones. Without either noticing, their hands retreated to their sides.

This was rising to the title of annoying. The silence was thick and seemed suffocating, but neither showed it. It had been over a hundred years, literally, since the two had crossed paths. Was it fate that they should meet each other here, in search for the same box of cereal?

Wilhelm had not planned on it, and he was a bit upset that things weren't going his way today. They were frozen, eyes locked on the other, but time however, did not freeze along with them. Instead, it went on, second turning into minutes, and minutes turning to hours.

Finally chaos broke the silence with a forced and emotionless, "Hello."

Wilhelm's smile widened, but only slightly, "Hello."

Other than the intercom playing "With You" by Jessica Simpson, the air was completely stagnant.

It was Wilhelm's turn this time, "It seems as though we are both in need of this divine breakfast, but there is but one."

chaos nodded, the first movement in what seemed like forever.

"Target found." The two looked up to see KOS-MOS walking stiffly down the isle, a lobster pinching away at her hair, refusing to let go.

If it was possible for chaos to turn pale, he would have. Wilhelm only kept his smile on his face, surprised but not alarmed by this turn of events. She stopped between them, facing the box of cornflakes.

She turned to her left, "Hello, chaos."

chaos composed himself, "Hello, KOS-MOS. It's been awhile. What are you doing here?"

"By my current position, that would prove to be obvious. By orders of the head of Vector Industries, I am here to purchase cornflakes." She then reached between them, grabbed the box, and turned to leave.

"Miss, you have a lobster in your hair." Wilhelm spoke for the first time directly to the android.

She turned to him, pulled it out with a quick yank, and blinked, "You have my gratitude. Goodbye, chaos." With that she was gone.

Wilhelm put his elbow in his right hand and put his left up to his chin in a contemplative gesture. Suddenly everything was clear. He had not ordered KOS-MOS to obtain his cornflakes, so that meant that only one other person could have done it…

"Well, it looks like you've won the battle." chaos finally smiled lightly, and for a moment Wilhelm wished things weren't the way that they were,…but only for a moment.

"Actually, I was not the one who gave these orders."

chaos frowned. Wilhelm tried to read his thoughts, though he knew it was pointless. chaos had him blocked.

"Well, then, I suppose we are once again even."

"I suppose you're right."

With that chaos smiled lightly before turning to leave. It appeared that he as well, though for a small instant, wished things were not as they were now.

When he was gone, Wilhelm finally allowed himself a light chuckle. This had been by far one of the most amusing days he had had in a while, aside, of course, from the day he had owned the Testaments, literally, at Monopoly by having within his possession everything on the board and having to give out loans so that the other four could continue playing, but that is another story.

He had once believed that the Testaments could keep nothing from him, but this time he had been fooled. Someone had not only ordered KOS-MOS to buy _his_ box of cornflakes, but that same someone had _eaten_ his previous box, which is why he had started off the day on the wrong foot.

Wilhelm frowned disapprovingly.

_…Kevin._

Oh man, I'm just dying to write about board games and the Testaments, but I need Heather's humor, and Mugi needs to finish Xenosaga so she can help me out on characterization. Wah! tears Would that melt your heart to see them all huddled around on the floor playing Candy Land? Please R&R!


	3. KOSMOS's POV

**The Lobster Magnet**

**(The Best Corn Flakes This Side of Second Miltia)**

**KOS-MOS**

**Written By Mugi.**

**NOTE: This is -planned to be- the last chapter of our story, as we each wrote a chapter. The first was Anna Skywalker's, the second Trickyfrog's, and this one is mine (My s/n here is Mugichan, but it's Mugi on fictionpress) So, unless some amazing burst of creative inspiration and a lot of spare time happens upon us, this is the end of The Lobster Magnet. So, please, enjoy! Oh yeah, and none of us own Xenosaga, so don't poke us about it .**

**------------**

"Target destination reached. Location identification: The Lobster Magnet. Target item: Corn Flakes. Approximate distance: ten meters."

KOS-MOS said to herself aloud as she entered the grocery store that was fitfully dubbed 'The Lobster Magnet.' A certain Vector official was in desperate need of Corn Flakes, and KOS-MOS was recruited to retrieve the box of pure, sugar-free joy. The battle android turned towards the cereal aisle, finding herself face-to-face with a large lobster aquarium. Refusing to simply go around the tank, KOS-MOS raised her right arm out in front of her and, in a flash of bright red light, the lobster tank _EXPLODED_.

"Obstacle eliminated."

Ignoring the lobsters that scrambled about helplessly on the wet linoleum floor, atop the shelves of countless aisles, and stuck to the ceiling, KOS-MOS continued towards the cereal aisle.

"Target in sight."

KOS-MOS entered the narrow aisle to see chaos and Wilhelm staring at a single box of Corn Flakes. The only box of Corn Flakes in the whole store. All of the shelves formerly responsible for holding various brands of cereal were completely bare, with the exception of that single box of Corn Flakes. chaos and Wilhelm glanced over at KOS-MOS, at which time she noticed and removed a rather large lobster from her dampened blue hair. Chaos and Wilhelm looked at each other for a moment, and then returned their attention to the Corn Flakes.

"Obstacle detected. Target locked."

KOS-MOS announced as her emotionless crimson eyes fell upon chaos. She again raised her right arm, her powerful Ether Cannon consuming the energy needed to fire.

"Target miscalculation."

The powerful blast did not strike chaos, but instead the nearly empty grocery cart but he had been guiding around the store. Since chaos had not been in the store for very long, only a small box of pre-made strawberry shortcakes went flying from the explosion. Unable to discover exactly why her cannon missed such a close target, KOS-MOS took a large step closer to chaos. She silently looked at him for a moment, outstretched her shiny metal arms, and picked him up by his shoulders.

"Obstacle unidentifiable. My external appearance is down five percent."

KOS-MOS held chaos a few inches above the ground for a few moments but, when stated obstacle began to twitch, she set him down a few inches away from his original location.

As KOS-MOS's attention came to Wilhelm, he smiled politely and took a large step backwards.

"Obstacles relocated."

KOS-MOS stepped closer to the shelf and grabbed the Corn Flakes. As she held the box of crispy joyful joy, KOS-MOS's pallid crimson eyes brightened.

"My external appearance is up five percent."

KOS-MOS then disappeared from the cereal aisle in order to take the retrieved item back to the Vector HQ.

No later than fourteen and a half seconds after KOS-MOS left, an announcement roared over the store intercoms.

"Yugioh cards 95 percent off! Get them before the manufacturers finally give up!"

In an instant silent agreement, Wilhelm pulled a large deck of Yugioh cards out of a hidden pocket within his suit, while chaos pulled an impressive deck out of his messy grayish-white hair. The six exhilarating words that were bound to the situation need not be stated…

I challenge you to a duel.

The two both pulled small cartons of milk from hidden pockets and began to drink it, as it accurately proclaimed to 'fuel the duel.'

Fifteen minutes passed by effortlessly, and another thirty passed by just as quickly. After an hour and a half, the epic battle finally met its end.

In an outburst of uncharacteristic victorious joy, Wilhelm beamed over the strategically placed cards.

"My Dark Paladin beats your Dark Magician Girl!"


End file.
